The Story of Bob
          
                               © 2002 by David M. Payne

Pstt, I've got a story for you. Once upon a time there was this guy named Bob
who was omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent. He was the ultimate
authority figure, and the most powerful being in the universe. In fact he created
it. One day he decided to create this planet, put some people on it, and see
what they would do with him as their idol. He created Mada and Vee, and
decided to test them, to see if they were worthy of being his slaves, and willing
to worship him in rapture forever.

Of course this was little more than an intellectual exercise for Bob, for he was
omniscient after all, knew everything they would do, so he already knew what
the results would be. He thought, what the hell, lets see if I'm wrong, which was
impossible of course, after all Bob was never wrong, but he loved conundrums
anyway. It turned out that Bob also had an extraordinary sense of humor, and
so he came up with some sayings and rules that he told Mada and Vee to
follow religiously, or they would suffer dire consequences. Perhaps they would
even end up on fire for eternity in Hades, which was run by his evil associate,
Beelzebob the AntiTheist, if they failed to follow his sayings and rules to the
letter. But just for his own amusement, Bob made his sayings and rules cryptic,
open to many interpretations, and difficult to understand. What a fun guy that
Bob was.

Anyway, after he created Mada and Vee, Bob brought them to this utopia on
the planet and told them they would live there forever, if they followed the
rules. One of the rules was never to eat of the vine of awareness and vice, but
Bob made the fruit impossible to resist, and he had a snake-eyed
representative of Beelzebob make them a sales pitch they couldn't refuse.
After all, Bob already knew what their choice was going to be, being omniscient
and all, but he liked to test his infallibility now and then anyway. Well Mada and
Vee blew it, fell for the pitch and ate some of the forbidden fruit, became
aware, and realized they were naked and very sexually attracted to each other.
Bob, who was watching in the bushes, busted them and threw them out of
utopia and into the desert, just like he already knew he would. He told them
that now that they knew about sex, they would have to use it to reproduce, as
they would only live for a few hundred years now, not forever. So Mada and
Vee got busy, if you know what I mean, and within that time they were able to
produce many children, who did the same, until there were millions of their
offspring on the planet, none of whom were really related, of course. That
would be incest after all.

Well after a while Bob got tired of all the vice these people were into, even
though he already knew they would do that, you know, that omniscient thing of
his. So he decided to eliminate the problem, and gas them all. He had Haon
and his family, the last family without vice, build a huge wooden space ship and
gather up the genome of each creature on the planet. Haon did as he was
told, after all Bob was a very scary guy. Then they were told to fly into outer
space, while Bob got rid of the riffraff, as well as their young, and all the
animals, who like the riffraff's children, didn't have anything to do with the vice
that Bob was so pissed off about. Talk about being in the wrong place at the
wrong time!

Anyway, Haon and family waited until the gas cleared up, and landed back on
the planet, where they went about the job of repopulating it with their
descendants and the animals. So the planet was repopulated with millions and
millions of the offspring of Haon and his family, none of whom were really
related of course, for that would still be incest.

After a while Bob got bored with the people and vanished to parts unknown,
though he was said to drop in now and again to see what the people were up
to. Some even said that he was still everywhere, in the air, land and water, you
know that omnipresent thing, but this was hard to confirm. Although no one
ever saw him in person again, if they ever did to begin with, there was no
doubt his existence was true, because his followers said so, and who could
ever doubt them? This vanishing act caused his first followers, the Who clan,
to revere him even more.

The Who clan let it be known to all the other infidels.org and heathen clans
that they were the chosen ones of Bob, his favored race, something they
remind us and their neighbors of to this day. The Who told everyone they were
Bob's one true clan, as he had told them in his first holy book, the Borah,
which was the only true book of Bob, of course. Unfortunately, they misplaced
the original, but being clever, their leaders, the Babbi, reconstructed it from
memory later on. The Who clan was the only clan to truly follow the teachings
of Bob, especially the part that placed emphasis on the authoritarian control of
the people under Bob, who exercises his control by clandestinely giving
directions to the clan leadership, who relay it to the faithful, of course.

The Who clan also were said to have created one of the critical components of
what has become known in some circles as "The Bob Clan Scam;" "the fear of
death, going to Utopia or Hades," sub-scam. In this scam, the Babbi use the
fear of death to tell the clan members that they won't really die, they will go to
Utopia and live forever if they follow the teachings of Bob, as relayed through
the Babbi, of course. If they didn't do this, then they were to spend eternity in
Hades, on fire and dancing with Beelzebob. This sucked in a lot of the gullible
who naturally didn't want to die, what with the uncertainty of what came after
death and all. They would also like to avoid Hades, what with all the talk about
being on fire for the rest of eternity and the Beelzebob stuff. It was a beautiful
addition to the Bob clan scam, and continues to suck them in to this day. It
works so well that some of the religious storytellers started to believe it
themselves, and still do. I mean they don't want to die either. Anyway, the Who
clan grew in prominence and became the primary lenders of money, a position
of wealth, power and influence they held for a long time, until Bob's son, Chris,
came on the scene that is.

Now the birth of Chris is shrouded in mystery, as he was born of a virgin bride,
who was the wife of another man, who never had sex with Bob, but had his son
under immaculate conditions anyway. Normally this would be called adultery
and perhaps even rape, but as it was Bob's doing, it was called a miracle. Well
Chris grew up and started another clan called the Chris clan, which rejected
the false teachings of the Who clan, because they didn't see Chris for what he
was, the true son of Bob, of course. Also, they wouldn't lend him any money,
he had a bad credit history. Being a part-time carpenter was spotty work at
best, and Chris knew he needed more gainful employment, so he started his
own clan. That Chris was no dummy, he knew from studying the Who clan
where the money, power and influence were to be found.

The Chris clan continually let it be known that Chris was not only the son of
Bob, he was the leader of the one true clan of Bob's, and the Who clan was
really just a scam to hoodwink the people out of the usual: money, power and
influence. Soon Chris was raising hell with the Who clan moneylenders, and
they went to the governor and asked him to nail Chris for his behavior, as he
was bad for business. The governor went along with their request because
Chris and his twelve clan-members were becoming a major pain in the ass. So
the governor decided to make an example of Chris, and nailed him upon a
great cross, to show his followers that he wasn't really the son of Bob, but just
another scam artist trying to hoodwink the people out of the usual: money,
power and influence.

Well, Chris hung around on that cross for days and days, before he finally
died. His body was pulled down and sealed in a tomb, but he escaped, the
legend goes, with the help of the holy ghoul. Soon Bob, his son Chris and the
holy ghoul were said to be living in Utopia, and they had become one. I know, I
don't get that one either, but it must be true, because the Chris clan says it is.
But anyway, Chris would be back any day now, just you wait and see his
followers have said, for the last two thousand years. After all he made the
ultimate sacrifice for them, right? And who could ever doubt any of it, for his
followers swore it was true, there were millions of them, and they would never
unknowingly propagate a lie, would they?

So the Chris clan continued the Who clan's fear of death scam with some
minor modifications. It was becoming a major reason to believe in Bob, what
with the uncertainty of death and what came after that and all. In the meantime
the Chris clan decided to celebrate the death of Chris in its ritual called the
EuChris, by eating bread and drinking wine and calling it the body and blood of
Chris, which is after all, nothing more than a ritual resembling cannibalism.
Those Chris clans sure have some fun rituals, don't they?

Chris' followers, led by the Priests, wrote all his teachings down in their holy
book, called the Babbl, and as anyone who has ever read it can testify to, it
was the one true book of Bob, of course. The Chris clan was the only clan to
truly follow the teachings of Bob, especially the part that placed emphasis on
the authoritarian control of the people under Bob, who exercises his control by
clandestinely giving directions to the clan leadership, who relay it to the
faithful, of course. They announced to the world that they were the only true
clan of Bob, and the other clans were bogus, designed to hoodwink the people
out of the usual: money, power and influence. That Chris, he had one hell of a
PR team, and soon the Chris clan became the biggest clan in the area, and is
still growing to this day.

Well this state of affairs went on for a while, and one of the other local clans,
The Rabs, started getting pissed off that Bob hadn't gotten in touch with them
and made them an offer they couldn't refuse. Bob heard their cries, and sent
them a messenger, Moumma, who was said to have gotten the word of his
being chosen to be Bob's new prophet directly from one of his angels,
Gabriela, after eating some of that fine kash the locals made in the mountains
outside of town. Well Moumma was a fiery guy, and he had a strong libido, so
he took the teachings he received from Gabriela and had his disciples, the
Mullets, write them down in the great book called the Kran.

Now the Kran was the one true book of Bob, of course, unlike those other two
fake holy books, the Borah and the Babbl. And in this book it was revealed that
Moumma could have as many wives as he wanted, because he could do no
wrong, at least as far as Bob was concerned. So Moumma had himself a bunch
of wives, some still children themselves. What a stud he was!

Anyway, he went about converting the local clans to the Moumma clan, as he
called his new clan, which was the one true clan of Bob's, of course. Moumma
pointed out that the other two clans that claimed to be the true clans of Bob,
the Who and Chris clans, were bogus and nothing more than scams designed
to hoodwink the people out of the usual: money, power and influence, and they
were really controlled by Beelzebob and his infidels anyway. The Moumma clan
was the only clan to truly follow the teachings of Bob, especially the part that
placed emphasis on the authoritarian control of the people under Bob, who
exercises his control by clandestinely giving directions to the clan leadership,
who relay it to the faithful, of course.

And Moumma came up with the brilliant new version of the Who clan's fear of
death scam, "the do what we tell you to, and you're going to Utopia and there
will be seventy two virgins waiting to serve your, uh needs," addendum. This
was an inspired addition, not only did it work to add many faithful to the
Moumma clan, it was real handy in getting them to kill themselves in very large
numbers in the name of Bob, and for anything else the Mullets told them to do.
I mean if you had seventy-two virgins just sitting around in Utopia waiting for
you, wouldn't you be in a hurry to get there? And blowing yourself up in the
company of your enemies, the other fake Bob clan followers and anyone else
that got in your way, was probably the fastest way to get to those seventy-two
virgins impatiently waiting for you.

Moumma was a nice guy, so he always gave those he converted a choice, they
could convert to the Moumma clan, and start worshiping Bob and that big pile
of black rocks in Meeka, or they could be hacked to pieces. Nothing like having
a couple of really good choices to help you focus your mind on making the
correct decision, right? Well, given the logic of those two choices, the new
converts immediately saw the wisdom of the teachings of Moumma and
converted in large numbers, and are still converting to this day. His clan was
soon the biggest one in the area, and is still growing today. And the Moumma
clan continues to have a big impact on the scene, as 9/11 showed us all.

Anyway Bob's legend continued to grow, and before long there were
hundreds, then thousands of different Bob clans, all descended from the Who
clan, the Chris clan and the Moumma clan, and all of whom claimed exclusively
to be Bob's only true followers, of course. Except for the Who clan, who felt
you had to be born into their clan, each clan taught its members that they had
to have as many children and converts as possible in order dominate the area
they lived in, and to send as many true followers of Bob's to Utopia as
possible, under their individual clan sponsorship. It was also vital to
indoctrinate the children as early as possible in the belief in Bob and the clan
teachings; to ignore this reality was to risk the children becoming intellectually
aware and turn into infidels, or even worse join another clan later on in life,
both a fate worse than death as far as the clan members were concerned.

As for the fact that most of these people would grow up in grinding poverty,
well that wasn't important, they could always blame the poverty caused by the
overpopulation their clan dogma created on their enemies. What was important
was the need to produce as many people as possible, for the glory of Bob, and
the power of the clan. It was well known that the clan who gets the most
members into Utopia wins; after all, and that's what's important, not how hard
life on this planet would be with all those people competing for the same
scarce resources.

As for the other Bob clans, they were evil after all, and there was nothing like
having a strong incentive to rationalize the killing of many millions of people
who didn't think just like you, and were doomed to dance with Beelzebob in the
end anyway. So they were just doing them a favor and sending them their final
reward a little early, right? And if you had to send many millions of your own
followers to Utopia in the process, well they were going to a better place after
all, weren't they? And all you were doing again was sending them to their final
reward a little early, right? Don't you just love the logic of that argument? It's
still big with the Moumma clan to this day and it's coming back into vogue with
the Chris and Who clans as well.

This philosophy did cause some problems, what with the scarce resources and
all, like food, land, shelter, etc. But that was no problem really, for all true
believers would end up in Bob's Utopia, and in the meantime they could just
take what they needed from the other Bob clans, who weren't the true
believers of Bob's anyway, and deserved what they got. Well, this behavior by
the various Bob's clans created conflict as you can imagine, and soon Bob's
clans fell into warring with each other, killing millions and millions of each
other's followers in the name of Bob over the next two thousand years. The
belief in Bob also spawned hordes of lone nuts and small clans called cults,
that propagated death and evil, as well as indulging in "the usual," all in the
name of Bob, of course.

And although all the killing of the various Bob clan-members, in the name of
Bob, by the other Bob clan-members looked a little surreal, it wasn't, for Bob
wanted it that way; after all he was omnipotent and omnipresent, so he could
do anything he wanted, and be everywhere at once, right? And so he could be
on each and every side of every conflict if that's what he wanted to do. For all
his clans swore he was on their side, not the other side, and who could doubt
them? Moreover, if Bob wanted to be on all sides of every conflict at the same
time, who could say no to him? Not me, that's for sure. Besides, Bob works in
mysterious ways, right?

Now there were also some people called unbelievers or infidels, who thought
the story of Bob was, well, a fairy tale, had nothing to do with reality, and was
in fact instrumental in the spread of evil. They pointed out the problem of the
seemingly endless Bob clan warfare, and the destruction it brought humanity,
past and present, as proof that the Bob clans were involved in evil doings. This
was blasphemy, the Bob clans said; Bob was an all-powerful being of pure
good, and the problem of evil was caused by the other bogus Bob clans, the
infidels and Beelzebob--not them.

The unbelievers just laughed and pointed out the obvious: the problem of evil
in the world, as framed by that ancient Greek guy, the philosopher Epicurus.
Now Epicurus stated the problem of the existence of evil succinctly, and it
bedevils the Bob clans to this day. He said either Bob can prevent evil and
chooses not to, which makes him not very good, or Bob tries to prevent evil
and can't, which makes him less than omnipotent. (From Encarta, resource of
that demi-Bob, Bill.) This enraged the Bob clans to no end, and after a while
they claimed to have an answer to the dilemma of the existence of evil, it was
called "the free will argument." Though no one really knew where it came from,
they were sure that it was the will of Bob, of course.

Some credited its discovery to St. Augustine, who perhaps may have had a
revelation from Bob on it. But he was also into predestination, so that was hard
to square with the free will thing. Others credited it to the monk Pelagius, who
wasn't going to take the rap for the sins of Mada and Vee. Its origin was murky
at best. The argument reportedly said that Bob must have given humanity free
will, and it was this exercise of free will by humanity that allowed evil to exist,
and took Bob off the hook. Of course this argument opened the door to that
little episode where Bob gassed everyone but Haon and his family a while
back, as he did it all by himself, right? This was the first-ever recorded
instance of genocide, and it was committed against the entire human race,
save Haon and his family. What kind of loving being would do such a thing to
his own creations?

The Bob clans called it justifiable homicide, but what did the babies, children
and animals do to deserve to be gassed to death? Well, they have no answer
for that, other than you must not question the will of Bob, of course. Besides,
they said, changing the subject, Bob wasn't the cause of evil, his associate
Beelzebob was. This, it was pointed out by the unbelievers, made the claim of
Bob's being omnipotent and omniscient hard to believe. I mean if he's
omnipotent, how could he not be able to control everything, including
Beelzebob? If he's the head guy, he has to take the heat for the things that go
wrong that he can control, but refuses to, right? After all, isn't that what good
morality calls for? And as Bob is omnipotent, he has the responsibility to use
his power wisely, doesn't he? With ultimate power comes ultimate
responsibility, but Bob never delivers on this last point the unbelievers said.

And there was one other little problem according to some of the unbelievers,
the "free will argument" collides head on with the, "everything is predestined by
Bob argument." But his clan members would say that just because he can end
evil, it doesn't mean he has to; he's Bob, and he can do whatever he wants,
and whatever he wants is good and perfect because he is omnipotent and
omniscient, and just, and he has everything planed out perfectly, except evil of
course, that's humanity's and Beelzebob's fault not his, and you can't
understand his decisions because you're not him, so quit trying to understand
him, shut up and just do what he says, as relayed through us. After all only
fools wouldn't see the truth of what the Bob clans said, so what ever it was that
they said, whenever they said it, it was always the truth, so help them Bob,
understand?

Anyway, the unbelievers never relented, and said that the free will argument
was all smoke and mirrors, and failed to get Bob off the hook for the existence
of evil. The unbelievers continued to point out that the free will argument fails
to deflect the blame for the existence of evil from Bob, for if he was omnipotent,
he could end evil if he wanted to. His failure to act on evil led right back to the
original argument, plus one: 1) either his failure to prevent evil is willful, and he
isn't a nice, just, guy, or 2) he is unable to prevent it, so he is weak against evil
or 3) he is a myth, and myths can't do anything about evil anyway.

Furthermore the free will argument isn't in the clan's holy books, and can't be
traced directly back to Bob saying it at all, so obviously the Bob clans made up
the free will argument to cover the failure of Bob to prevent evil.

"Nonsense!" said the Bob's clans. They swore it was all true, and the only
people who were confused about the free will argument were the ones that
didn't follow the teachings of Bob religiously. For clearly they wouldn't listen to
truth and reason, the truth and reason of the Bob clans that is. It was repeated
over and over by the Bob clan's leaders, that in the holy books there were
references that proved that Bob gave free will directly to us in a revelation or
something, all you had to do was read the books and you would see the light.
But of course this offering of proof got back to Bob's sense of humor
remember? For he did make those sayings cryptic and open to many
interpretations, and the fun never stops with his books, they all say whatever
you want them to, you just have to dig deep enough to find what you need,
and clan fundies were very good at that.

Bob's clans continued to portray unbelievers as pawns of the lord of darkness,
Beelzebob, and Bob was said to have given his clans the OK to eliminate them.
But no matter how many they eliminated, those pesky unbelievers managed to
survive. And they just kept pointing out the obvious errors in the tale of Bob,
and in the Borah, Babbl and Kran. The unbelievers pointed out how the
population problem created by these clans trying to out breed each other in
the race to dominate the world threatened to overwhelm the world's resources.
They also pointed out that most of the followers of Bob would face grinding
poverty because they had more children than the resources and jobs available
could support. But being few in number, and having little access to the
politicians or the media, the unbelievers were easily shouted down by the
millions and millions of Bob's followers, who had strong political and media
influence, and put the fear of Bob into the politicians and media moguls
minds--and their wallets.

Some of the unbelievers started to gather together in clans of their own called
Isms; named after Karl and Adolph Ism, and followed the example of some of
Bob's clans, right down to worshiping Karl and Adolph, following that
authoritarian philosophy, and killing all their rivals for power. Of course these
killings included many members of Bob's clans, for the Ism clans allowed no
rivals for power, just as many of Bob's clans didn't. As for the Bob clans, the
Ism clans recognized that they were after the same thing, "the usual": money,
power, and influence. Karl had one of the most memorable lines of the Ism
clans. He said that the Bob clans were the opiate of the masses, but of course
he served up a mirror image opiate for them himself. What delicious irony that
was. But the Ism clans didn't have the PR men that the Bob's clans had, and
they soon fell to the wayside, victims of their own excesses. But they managed
to kill millions and millions of their rivals while they held power, just like the Bob
clans did.

Other unbelievers, called freethinkers, rejected both the Bob's clans and the
Ism clans as well. They said that the Ism clans were just mirror images of the
Bob clans. They said that both the Bob clans and the Ism clans were so caught
up in the authoritarian thing, and "the usual," that they were totally beyond
redemption. The freethinkers said that all the Bob clans were nothing more
than millions of people caught up in the oldest, longest running scam in the
history of humanity, "The Bob Clan Scam," which was designed to hoodwink
the people out of "the usual:" money, power, and influence. (You know, you
just can't say that enough.)

This really angered the believers of all the Bob clans, for there was no way
they could all be the victims of a scam that old, there were too many people
who believed in Bob, and they were too sophisticated to fall for something like
that. They took umbrage at the notion that they were like some flock of sheep,
being herded around and fleeced by some Bob clan scam-artists. Besides that
large a number proved the truth of the Bob clan teachings, for that many
people could never be wrong, right? No, they knew that they were following the
one true path, they were all believers in the truth of their individual clan's
teachings, and they belonged, each and every one, to the one true clan of
Bob's, of course. They said the freethinkers were nothing more than ignorant
dupes of the other Bob clans, being used for evil purposes by the other clans,
and by Beelzebob. No, Bob was in charge of all that was good, and Beelzebob
and his followers, the freethinkers, were in charge of all that was evil, of course.

That being the case, all the Bob clans sought to eliminate the freethinkers, for
they were the one true danger to them, they were not only evil, they were the
ones who kept exposing the Bob clans for what they were, the longest-running
scam in the history of humanity: the money, power and influence scam of the
Bob clans. So great pressure was put on the freethinkers to go away, upright,
or as history often showed us, otherwise. But those pesky freethinkers, they
just kept coming back for more. Sometimes the freethinkers would say unusual
things, like "the only being that will ever save us is the human being," which
totally discounted the salvation that the Bob clans were trying to bring
humanity, through becoming one with Bob, of course. Or they would point out
that the money sucked up by the Bob clans could go a long way to eliminating
poverty, once you got their death grip off of birth control, that is.

Now Bob's clans not only survived, they multiplied into thousands and
thousands of clans, with billions of members, all of whom were the one true
clan of Bob, of course. The only thing Bob's clans feared more than each
other were the freethinkers, for they were growing more numerous, and they
were still pointing out the absurdities in the story of Bob, and in the behavior of
his clans. It was this continuously pointing out of the evil done by the Bob clans
that was the most distasteful for them to handle. No matter how many times the
various Bob clans tried to shift the focus from their behavior by pointing out
that it wasn't them who did evil, they were pure and good, it was the other faux
Bob clans and the freethinker slaves of Beelzebob who did it, the controversy
just wouldn't go away. Sometimes the truth is a little sticky, and not easily
washed away with soothing words.

The freethinkers would also point out that the morality that the Bob clans
claimed came from Bob, was just the morality that had been collected and
written into the holy books by humanity over the centuries. So the good
morality in the holy books said to come from Bob was nothing more than the
collected morality of many wise men, not Bob. In the end, it was obvious
humanity was following its own good morality, and always had been. As for the
rest of the writing in the holy books of Bob, well there are so many
contradictions and so little time to expose them all, right?

Some freethinkers feel humanity has the greatest of all possible futures, but
we haven't been able to completely solve the good vs. evil struggle that
resides within each of us. They philosophize that the need is to see that the
battle resides between our own light and dark sides, not some mystical outside
force. Our path is not clear, for we will either evolve beyond what we are now
and become a truly splendid species capable of wondrous achievements, or
we will eliminate our future, and ourselves if our self-destructive traits are not
brought under control. And the only control that will work is cooperative
self-control, and a good plan for life that works.

The Bob clans say they do this, but their record in the world concerning clan
conflict, clan greed and economic salvation is very different from their rhetoric.
And though they try to shift the blame for so much world poverty from their own
birth control policies to the capitalist Ism clan's greed, the truth is still sticky,
and it's still stuck on the Bob clans behavior and policies regarding birth and
population control.

Fortunately for the Bob clans, the freethinkers were relativity powerless still,
compared to the wealth, power and influence of Bob's clans, who were very
successful in the Bob clan scam, and continued to hold sway over the
politicians and most of the media. Some things never seem to change,
although one can only hope they evolve into a more enlightened state. You
just have to keep holding that light on the problem, and people will see it
eventually, the light that is.

In fairness, most of the Bob clan followers are good people who just got caught
up in the Bob clan scam, and fell for the hype, and of course the fear of death,
you don't have to die if you believe in Bob, propaganda. It is so soothing and
enticing a line and it works on so many who fear death, and the uncertainty of
what comes after it and all. Unfortunately, these good people do provide the
vast pool of believers from which emerge the demagogues, the kooks and nuts
and their followers, people who would destroy us all if we won't bow and submit
to their will, in their misguided belief that they alone know the true meaning of
life. But in the end, you are born, and you die. It's what you do in between that
counts, so do the best you can, and try to leave the world a little better place
on your way through. That's the true meaning of life for me.

Anyway some of Bob's clans are content today to just enjoy the money, power
and influence they have, not to mention the many children they uh, minister to.
They love to show their compassion for life by protecting the unborn, from the
time their parents start thinking about having kids, right up to the point of birth.
And they will kill as many people who support abortion and birth control as
necessary, to protect the sanctity of life. Others of Bob's clans are more active
and assertive in spreading his message of love and tolerance far and wide,
and seek to convert everyone to their particular clan. So you better believe in
Bob and them, or else you'll soon be on fire and dancing with Beelzebob.
Now of course these days some Bob clans leaders pay lip service to the idea
that the big three clans get along just fine. Pay no attention to the historical
record, or the current warfare, we're all good friends they say, really. Just
below that surface banality of how friendly they are all to each other lays
another reality, the burning belief that they are all individually the one true
path to Bob, and the others follow false prophets and are on the path to
oblivion. This will always provide the fuel and fanatics for the endless religious
conflicts that will result in the apocalypse, of course.

And how can we avoid this? That's easy, just give Bob a call and tell him how
bad the situation is, and then enlist his help getting us all out of this mess. I'd
call him, but his number is unlisted, and people who say they have talked to
him usually end up in the nut house anyway. Nonetheless it's within Bob's
hands alone that the salvation of humanity rests, say his clan members. Bob
and/or his son are coming soon, some say, sometime between now and the
end of eternity, or humanity, which ever comes first.

Of course the freethinkers say we have another choice, we can accept reality,
recognize that all that exists is this universe, within which is this world, and all
that is in it. In short they believe in metaphysical naturalism, and believe
humanity needs to move away from superstition, and towards a more rational
secular social organization, but who listens to them anyway.

The Ism clans are still around, but like an old tiger, they are toothless, or have
been taken over by that other clan, the capitalist clan. The jury is still out on
them.

So today we have many of Bob's clans briskly going about the task of trying to
eliminate each other, so they can be the one true clan of Bob's that survives
all the Bob clan conflicts. Hey, the pay is good, great job security, lots of perks,
and the boss, Bob, is never around. Of course this creates a power vacuum
and into this vacuum many who should not, seek to step. Power, it's so
compelling and addictive, isn't it? So if you have that burning desire for power,
this is the place to be.

The Bob clans could easily be persuaded to follow a more enlightened path,
but only by Bob showing up in person and getting them all on the same page
at the same time, of course. Until that happens, or the end of eternity gets
here, we'll just have to hope the behavior of the Bob clans doesn't lead to the
annihilation of humanity. For weapons of mass destruction are within reach of
some of Bob's more radical clans now, and there are those in the Bob clans
that would just as soon kill us all now anyway, to saves us all from the hell and
damnation coming soon in the great apocalypse near you. And if they have to
destroy all the rest of the people in the world to be the one true clan of Bob left
standing, well, so be it, Bob willing.

What's the moral of the story?

What a difference two letters make.